I read an interesting article the other day about a mother complaining that she had lost her sense of self. She described that she no longer knew what *she* wanted to do, even when given the time or space. The writer went on to describe how sometimes we’re so caught up in living our roles, in this case the status of mother, that thoughts of our personal desires no longer come to the surface. This got me thinking, am I living my life or simply fulfilling roles?
So I got to journaling and came up with the following roles I currently live:
-Pet owner
-Wife
-Manager
-Board Member
-Best Friend
-Daughter
-Responsible adult
-Health nut/advocate
Then I asked myself, who am I when not fulfilling any of these roles?
-Writer
-Watercolor journalist
-Crafter
-Bicyclist (Hubby pointed out that he thought this one often falls under my Health Nut role, but I really do love biking, just for me and it also happens to burn a lot of calories).
To unearth our truest form, the author suggested we ask friends to describe us and to look at a childhood picture of ourselves and describe that little boy or girl. Too shy to actually ask how others would describe me (I’m thinking maybe I take myself too seriously and err on the side of overachiever?) I took a stab at describing the little girl I see in my Dad’s 1989 Christmas video:
-Hyperactive!
-Chatty
-Boundless
-Fearless
-Playful
-Loving
-Honest to a point of being rude
-Dancer
-Silly
It was so amazing to see how free that little girl was! Truly carefree and willing to do or say just about anything. Which brought me to the question, if I was fearless, wasn’t fulfilling a role, and not acting out of guilt or responsibility, what might I do? The answers came rapidly, many surprising me:
-Leave the dishes in the sink
-Not feel guilty when I don’t have time to read
-Write an article and submit it to a publication
-Get an MBA
-Go to the beach in a bikini
-Take an art class
-Start my own goat farm
-Laugh really hard
-Learn photography
-And if I really didn’t have any roles or commitments, move to NYC or Taos, New Mexico.
It was a revealing exercise and made me wonder who made up all of these roles and rules I live by any way? (the answer is me and my head, of course).
Now imagine the little child in your photo albums. How would you describe them? Where are they today? I think they’re still alive, maybe just hiding.
Enjoyed this post. I question this often. Am I making a decision based on what I think I should be doing or what I actually want to do. I am getting better at this process, but it is hard to break old habits no matter how much yoga, and meditation (still working on making this a regular practice) I do.
Having spent the majority of my life in New York and Jackson Hole, WY, the end of your post was quite a perspective.
“And if I really didn’t have any roles or commitments, move to NYC or Taos, New Mexico.”
What is interesting is the way I ended up here in Jackson Hole …
At 25, I was living in NYC (grew up near by), and questioned what in the world I was doing there. I read about how you should “Look back to your childhood and remember what made you happy … simple pleasures”. I spent my summers in the green mountains of Vermont as a kid, and felt this sense of peace just thinking about it. The mountains were magical for me … and still are. It took me a while to make it happen, but I moved here to Jackson 10 years ago, and have never looked back. Never stop exploring your passions!
Comment by Amy — August 26, 2007 @ 10:43 pm
Hi Amy,
I too grew up (and still live) in an amazing place where others pay a fortune to live, California’s Central Coast. And much like your experience with NYC, I appreciate its awesome beauty and everything it has to offer, but never really chose it for myself. I think part of my dreaming of Taos or NYC is to breakout and choose a place I love uniquely, not because others told me I should.
I’m glad to hear that others recommend looking back to your simple childhood pleasures to discover what you might enjoy now. I too look back to my childhood and remember always wanting to go camping (which we did, quite a lot, aided by my Dad’s kayaking career). In the last year my hubby and I have transformed our lives to make the outdoors a greater part of everything we do, purchasing a home surrounded by redwoods, and then a popup camper for the quick camping get away (if you haven’t already, check out my posts from May to see our trip around the West, didn’t make it to Wyoming though, next time!). Both have made us happy, and now we dream of even bigger land in more seclusion. We only know what we want by looking further and further into our hearts ignoring what our roles might be telling us we’re “supposed to do.” And aren’t you tired of “supposed to”? I certainly am.
Thanks for the nice response Amy. =)
Comment by westi — August 27, 2007 @ 7:13 am
i hope you don’t mind, seeing as i don’t know you, that i read your blog and enjoyed it quite a bit. i admire your thought process-you use a method that promotes more thoughts rather than dead-ends. it helps to figure things out that way because like you so eloquently pointed out - we all play roles and it gets difficult to view things from a fresh perspective sometimes. so, thanks. and i hope you don’t mind me reading your blog.
heather
Comment by heather — September 4, 2007 @ 9:26 pm
Hi Heather,
Thanks for your comment. I am always touched to hear that people enjoy reading my blog and find it helpful. The beauty of a blog is that it reaches both my friends/family and the Internet at large, allowing our thoughts to reach much further. So please, keep reading, keep commenting. I’m glad you’re here. Welcome! =)
Comment by westi — September 5, 2007 @ 7:12 am