I read an interesting article the other day about a mother complaining that she had lost her sense of self. She described that she no longer knew what *she* wanted to do, even when given the time or space. The writer went on to describe how sometimes we’re so caught up in living our roles, in this case the status of mother, that thoughts of our personal desires no longer come to the surface. This got me thinking, am I living my life or simply fulfilling roles?
So I got to journaling and came up with the following roles I currently live:
-Pet owner
-Wife
-Manager
-Board Member
-Best Friend
-Daughter
-Responsible adult
-Health nut/advocate
Then I asked myself, who am I when not fulfilling any of these roles?
-Writer
-Watercolor journalist
-Crafter
-Bicyclist (Hubby pointed out that he thought this one often falls under my Health Nut role, but I really do love biking, just for me and it also happens to burn a lot of calories).
To unearth our truest form, the author suggested we ask friends to describe us and to look at a childhood picture of ourselves and describe that little boy or girl. Too shy to actually ask how others would describe me (I’m thinking maybe I take myself too seriously and err on the side of overachiever?) I took a stab at describing the little girl I see in my Dad’s 1989 Christmas video:
-Hyperactive!
-Chatty
-Boundless
-Fearless
-Playful
-Loving
-Honest to a point of being rude
-Dancer
-Silly
It was so amazing to see how free that little girl was! Truly carefree and willing to do or say just about anything. Which brought me to the question, if I was fearless, wasn’t fulfilling a role, and not acting out of guilt or responsibility, what might I do? The answers came rapidly, many surprising me:
-Leave the dishes in the sink
-Not feel guilty when I don’t have time to read
-Write an article and submit it to a publication
-Get an MBA
-Go to the beach in a bikini
-Take an art class
-Start my own goat farm
-Laugh really hard
-Learn photography
-And if I really didn’t have any roles or commitments, move to NYC or Taos, New Mexico.
It was a revealing exercise and made me wonder who made up all of these roles and rules I live by any way? (the answer is me and my head, of course).
Now imagine the little child in your photo albums. How would you describe them? Where are they today? I think they’re still alive, maybe just hiding.